There was a rush of movement through the transport circles as people organised themselves onto the boats, and then it stopped. The boats set sail from their different ports and soon the Lantian chain was restful again. It was an odd feeling, being attuned to the Holy Isle circle. While Amnor was also linked, it was not the centre of it. The Circle of Hope was a very different experience at these times when so many people needed to move at once. They were bound for the small island of DuPre. It seemed a little odd holding parliament off of Lions land, but it had its advantages. There was no transport circle on DuPre. No one was going to appear home before she expected them.
Rua stepped out of the Topaz circle, nodding to one of the Celestial Knights' squires as he kept careful watch over it in Aldous' absence. She hadn't been to Tamarus in... a while. After the Gathering she made up her mind to go to Holy Isle and attend to the circle there, to finally go through all that Samuel left behind. It kept her busy. The children were confused, spending time between Armengar and Holy Isle, not really sure where to call home. Rua felt just as lost as they did.
She made her way towards the quarters she and the children had been assigned when she fled Armengar. Nothing had been touched of course - she hadn't stopped living there, she'd just stopped going back at the end of the day. It was easier to stay on Holy Isle. Easier to work than to decide, now that Armengar was 'safe' once more. But there were things she needed and so today she returned, relieved that there would be no one to question her. No eyes to pierce her very soul. She was on the way back to the circle before her thoughts were interrupted.
"Rua?"
It was Aliset. Aldous and his wife had finally reunited at the Gathering after years of fearing one another dead. It was so heart warming to see the couple together - and so blissfully happy about it. It was also rather painful. They'd only met a couple of times between the Gathering and Rua starting her work on the Holy Isle circle, but she seemed a kind individual. Aliset too appeared to be taking advantage of the quiet to fetch what she needed from the market area for her house. Rua returned the greeting with a smile.
"Hello Aliset. How are you? How's Edgar getting on?"
"Just fine." She smiled back. "He's still getting used to things but he'll be fine. How are you? We haven't seen you in quite a while."
Rua shrugged, already feeling her cheeks burning. "I've been rather busy. Samuel could never be accused of being the most organised of ritualists."
Aliset nodded, then looked as if she was considering something for a moment. She made her decision. "Do you have time for a drink? I'd like to talk to you for a moment."
Rua looked towards the small shop selling hot drinks that Aliset indicated. She had to admit it wasn't a bad idea. At least that part of it. "Okay."
They walked in silence to the shop, sat, and ordered their drinks. "Is there something wrong?", Rua asked.
Aliset picked her words carefully. "That's what I wanted to ask you. You've got people worried about you, you've been on Holy Isle so long."
"They shouldn't be.", said Rua, shaking her head.
"They wouldn't be very good friends if they didn't." The drinks arrived and Aliset thanked the young man who brought them with a nod. "Have you been back to Armengar yet?"
How could she? After the way she left? "No. I can't."
There was sympathy in Aliset's eyes as she asked, "And your children?"
She bit inside her lip. "They have. It's still their home. Just not mine."
Aliset's hand moved like she wanted to reach out, but still wasn't sure if she could. "I'm sorry. It's a terrible thing to find you can't go home." She hesitated a moment. "Rua... I know this is none of my business, but if Robin hadn't stuck her nose in where it didn't belong, things would be very different right now for me and my family. I'd still be where you are. I'd-"
Rua frowned. "Oh? And where would that be?"
Having decided the time was right to intercede, Aliset continued, come what may. "Afraid. You're scared to make a decision because you don't know what that choice will bring. You want to do what's best for your children but you don't know what that is."
Rua just looked at her. Her observations were disturbingly accurate.
"All I can tell you for certain is that doing nothing and trying to pretend the problem isn't there - it's not best for anyone."
"It's not the same thing, Aliset." Rua warmed her hands on the mug. "It wasn't unfortunate circumstance that pulled me and my husband apart."
"The fear is the same." She leaned forward. "I can see it, Rua. I recognise it because truth be told, I still feel it too!"
That knocked Rua back for a second. What did Aliset have to be afraid of? "But how? You and Aldous-"
"Have both changed a lot over the years. There's no sense denying it. Now don't get me wrong, in all the ways that matter he's still my Aldous - but sometimes I can't stopped worrying that he'll notice what I've noticed. He has done so much better for himself without me than he ever did before we were separated."
Rua blinked in shock. "He'd never think that. Not ever. You just have to look at how happy he is to have you and Edgar back!"
Aliset smiled grimly. "I don't really think he would either, but the fear is still there. That's what I'm trying to say to you - it's alright to admit you're afraid but you've got to start doing something now. You've got to start fighting it."
"It's not that easy."
"No. It's not. I needed Robin to push me to make the choice to see Aldous so I'm passing the favour on - look, I only really know you from what Aldous and Footnote and the others tell me, but they all call you a friend. You need to be amongst friends and you need to make a decision."
There was something about this woman that hardly knew her telling Rua what she did and didn't need that was starting to grate. Probably the fact that she was right. "Don't you think I've been trying? I haven't just been sitting there with my hands over my ears humming to myself, you know!"
Aliset seemed taken aback. Her shoulders rolled back as she sat away from the table. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend or upset you. I just wanted to help if I could."
"No." Rua sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, Aliset. It's just... I don't know what to do. If I knew what to do, I'd do it. I know I can't go home and I know it's hurting the children that I don't. What am I supposed to do?"
"I think you need to talk to your husband."
Rua quickly shook her head. "He's why I can't go back."
"Then send a message." Aliset sat forward again. "Have him meet you somewhere... how about Rysarius? You've still got people there, right?"
"It will just turn into a fight again. We're finished. There's no going back."
"But you both need to talk about the children and work out how to make this easier for them. If it's truly over then you all need to deal with that. Don't you think?"
Rua chewed it over a moment. "They look at me like this is all my fault. That I can fix it just like that but I'm not doing so just to be cruel to them."
Aliset nodded in empathy. "When Edgar was old enough to ask why he didn't have a father, I told him Aldous was dead. It was what I had to believe to be able to get on with my life. So he adopted Martin as his father figure, if you like. Then suddenly Aldous, who is no more than a stranger to Edgar, shows up trying desperately to be his father when he knows nothing about him and Martin has disappeared. There's nothing I can say to convince him this is what's best. It's going to take time. But he will understand. When he's ready."
"But I'm taking mine away from their father."
"Are you? Then where are they now? If you and your husband can at least talk about it, then it's got to make it easier for them, doesn't it?"
Rua hung her head, focusing on the mug. The untouched drink was no longer steaming. "Maybe you're right."
"Talk to him. Talk to the children. And Rua?" She paused. "Talk to Footnote."
Rua's head snapped up at that. "We talk!"
"So it's just coincidence you're back on Tamarus when you know he's gone to the parliament?"
It was definitely the being right all the time that annoyed her. "I can't deal with that right now. Not on top of everything else."
"I can't speak for him - I'm only getting to know him too - but I'm fairly certain he's not going to ask anything of you other than that you let him be a friend."
Rua sighed deeply. "No. He never asks anything of me. Never pushes. Just waits. Like he has all the time in the world. All the time that I don't."
"So you've thought about it."
"I can't deal with it."
"Then one thing at a time."
"Yes."
"You'll send someone to Armengar?"
"Yes."
"Okay then." This time Aliset's hand reached all the way across the table to touch Rua's. "I'll be here."
"Thank you. Aldous is incredibly lucky."
"We all are. And it's going to be alright. Eventually. It'll be alright."
Rua waited nervously in the Armengarian outpost on Rysarius. She had sent a messenger to Armengar last night - Aliset seemed fairly determined not to let Rua out of her sight until she did so. Nothing had come back in return. Perhaps he wouldn't come - she couldn't blame him for not wanting to see her any more than she wanted to see him. Yet again she wondered how it could all have gone so wrong that she and Lugh were in this place that should never have been possible. But is it wrong? Has there been even one choice you regret? The voices were silenced by footsteps through the encampment. Moments later one of the circle guards showed Lugh into the small kitchen behind the meeting hall. She stood quickly as the guard left them alone.
"Thank you for coming."
He regarded her coldly. "I almost didn't. If you suddenly want to talk to me, you know where I am, Rua."
"I didn't think we'd be able to talk in Armengar. It's too emotionally charged for both of us now."
Lugh didn't move from where he stood at the door, his arms folded in front of him. "You mean you couldn't bear to see how wrong you were."
"I've never been more happy in all my life to be wrong. It means my son is alive."
His arms folded even tighter. "Shame about me, though."
"Don't say that!"
"Don't pretend you still care!"
"I do!" Rua paused, then added. "For the children. I don't want them to lose you too."
Lugh stared at her, unable to find a way to respond. She took a step forward.
"I don't want this to turn into a fight. It's not about us anymore."
He found his way. "Damn right it's not! You saw to it there is no 'us'!"
"You forget too easily who it was that walked out first!"
"I didn't take the children away from you! I didn't betray everything we've built together!"
He had to have known how that word would sting. He glared at her as he said it, waiting for her to back away. She didn't. In fact with extreme effort, Rua managed not even to flinch. This fight couldn't go the same way the others did and she had to keep it together. If they walked away from this one without some inkling of resolution - there would be no second chance. She forced herself to remain calm.
"I told you, we're not here to fight. We've both made our choices now and we've got to live with them. So do the children but if we can make it less difficult - we have to."
Lugh wasn't sure how to deal with that. He looked at her a long moment. "You're with that fey now, aren't you?"
"No."
His gaze never faltered. "But you want to be. Don't you?"
Rua blanked. When the question was asked so plainly - almost without anger or bitterness... it was too difficult. She looked back at him. It used to be that was all they needed to communicate. Now... she could read nothing and Lugh was not appearing to have much more success. "I can only deal with one thing at a time."
"I could have someone else too!", he responded quickly. "I mean, there are those who are interested... if I wanted."
"That's..." Not being altogether sure what that was, Rua moved on. "We should talk about the children."
Lugh got as far as the nearest chair and sat down. "What do you have in mind?"
There was little sleep to be had that night so Rua spent it cleaning her living quarters on Tamarus. Aliset had shown up again in the morning and together they had managed to make the sparse quarters more into a home. Hopefully one the children would be comfortable in when they were there. When finally finished, the two women and Edgar walked towards the port just in time to see the ships begin to appear over the horizon. They found somewhere to sit as they waited.
"Feeling better today?", Aliset asked.
Rua sighed. "Yes. No. I really don't know. I'm relieved that we all know what we're doing now - but I can't help but be worried. Armengar and Tamarus are still a long way apart and if we've learned anything in the last three years, it's that transport circles can't be relied upon to always be there."
Aliset squeezed her shoulder. "You'll manage. Now you know where you're staying, you can settle in here properly. The children will too."
"I'm still not sure about that. They're still going to be torn between us both - here for school, Armengar for training. Never knowing which place is home."
Aliset hugged Edgar as she replied. "Nothing says they can't call both places home. They still get to be with their parents. It will work out for the best."
"I know. At least I keep telling myself that."
"Footnote will be pleased to see you."
"It... will be good to see him too." Rua took her eyes from the approaching ships long enough to catch Aliset's grin. "Don't."
Aliset turned in mock surprise. "I haven't said anything!"
"That would make a change."
"You know he-"
"I know." Rua interrupted, her gaze drawn back out over the sea to all that lay beyond it. "But one thing at a time, okay? One at a time."