There was no other choice. It was a simple matter of learning to fight or dying on our first battlefield. It was a simple matter of doing whatever those above told us and surviving each day. It was a simple matter of having as many children as we could from the day we were physically able to the day a Calebii sword would pierce our skins. That was life on Armengar and how quickly it all changed. How fast new choices came about and how often they threaten to unravel us.
I was born in the Summer of 1081 after a time when my parents thought they would have no other child. I never wanted for affection. While my brothers Óisín and Liam would tease me mercilessly for my red hair and timid nature, I never doubted they would stand between me and any harm. And so like all our children I went to school where I learned to fight and learned to kill. I understand better now why it saddened my father to see how fast I grew into such things. He knew there was to be no choice. One day I looked into the eyes of a boy and I saw something both strange and terrible. It was something I could never have dreamt to deal with then and so I turned away and forgot about it for a long time. I was only six when I first found Lugh - a much older boy of nine - but I knew we belonged together. I knew we would be a family. He was more difficult to convince, but by the time he reached the age of maturity there was no doubt in his mind either that he would wait for me. The first major change in our lives was the arrival of the Farseekers - oh how they intrigued the children of Armengar! They came from a magical circle from far away lands and brought with them such wonderful powers of magic and letters. And they were fiercesome warriors too. It took a long time for our people to trust them but when Chareos stood with us against the Calebii, we knew they were friend. My father was a fine warrior too. Many said he would soon take on the mantle of Protector but one Summer all his dreams shattered and our family with them. Liam was of age to join Óisín on the front lines that Summer and I'll never forget the night I waited for them to come home. I was too young to do more than run messages and water at the back of the lines and so when fighting ceased for the night, I waited at home for my parents and my brothers to return. It was morning before my mother remembered me. She didn't have to tell me anything. Maybe Father blamed Chareos for letting them die. Maybe he resented that we suffered less losses that year because of the Farseekers and everyone praised them, oblivious to the grief for those who still fell. Or perhaps it was as simple as the unknown scaring him. He knew I was always eager to get a glimpse of Madra and his frightening magical abilities and perhaps he feared to lose me too. I'll never know for I would not speak another kind word to him after the night he tried to kill Madra. We take treachery very seriously. Nothing should ever be wasted and it was the destiny of any traitor to be used to teach children lessons on the impracticalities of squeamishness. I'm grateful now that my mother, who was a trainer at the school, made sure I never came into contact with him that way. I worked for the Farseekers for three years to try make up for what he did. Right until my mother died. It was a horrible illness that took her and there was nothing any of our healers could do. It felt sometimes like she'd been cheated out of her death on the battlefield. The feeling of being alone when she passed on was so intense it threatened to swallow me whole. But Lugh was there. Somehow he reached past my grief as no one else could and reminded me of what I always knew. We would be family. I went home with him that night and we married the very next day. In the Summer of 1095, mere weeks before my fourteenth birthday, I gave birth to Bláithín and Ruairí. Two years later there was Amáraiga, and Carraig was born the following year. It was a very difficult time but it was everything I thought I wanted. I never thought anything could hurt so much as losing my brothers or the shame of my father's betrayal. In truth I was still paying for it - though it was a price demanded by no one but myself. I did everything a good Armengarian was supposed to do. I trained and fought as hard as I could, I learned all that Madra could teach me, I took care of my husband, I had my children as quickly as I could - and who knows how many I might have had by now if my desire to fight had not been so strong? It was my fault it happened. I knew Lugh would fuss over me if I told him I was with child again and he would not want me to fight that Summer. But the Calebii were much tougher than usual and I felt it was my duty to do my part in holding the line. Soon I would not be able to hide it from him and so I went to the battlefield determined to do what good I could before he noticed. It happened. A Calebii sword bit deep into me. The world swirled in red and silver and the sounds of screams and Lugh calling my name. When I woke up I learned he had charged in under a fury and killed every Calebii that had been around me. He brought me to Midir and my life had been saved. The child however, was gone. Lugh knew my secret now and it was a full day before he could look at me. A lot longer before I could look at him. There has never been a time in my life so dark for they soon told me I could not be fully healed and that I would never be able to carry a child again. I thought I'd never leave that darkness again but someone came who knew the way - and she made enough of a crack in my self pity that I could see Bláithín waiting for me and I remembered my family. There was no choice but to fight my way from the despair for them. Then we found out why the Calebii fought so hard. The flood came and everything outside the citadel walls - including all the Calebii on Amnor - was washed away. It wasn't very long before we encountered the Lions. I left Amnor for the first time in 1101 to attend the Gathering of Nations and meet these Lions. Everything was so strange. There were suddenly so many strange faces - and of all shapes and colours. I had conversations with creatures I could not name. We learned of the Progenitor - an evil far worse than anything we knew before - and with all these people, we defeated him! Other battles had far less meaning. The world of Erdreja seemed an odd and terribly complicated place. But the Lions were friendly and noble and strong. They spoke of no Lion standing alone - something we had always lived in Armengar. I knew if we were to be part of this world, we would need good friends. I had a good feeling about the Lions. Then I found it. I never knew I had been looking for anything until I walked toward the ritual circle and witnessed the awesome power within it. It called me, captivated me. I had absolutely no idea what it was all about but I knew I would find out. And one night I remembered those eyes. Before I knew what I was doing I stood face to face with the man that boy had become, wanting for him to explain what it was I had become and absolve a guilt I didn't really understand. And he said the very same thing to me. There is a choice. It has been a long two years. In that time we have known peace as the Calebii retreated from our lands. And we have known a return to war as Joshrim, the Emperor of Tebron returned and claimed Armengar as his capital. We fought his hoards of Unliving until he upped the stakes with his Legions. And shut down the Circle. It took more than I ever thought I had to restore it. But I did it. Now we are part of Lantia in more ways than words. If my calling to ritual magics are to accomplish nothing more than that, then all the work and the difficulties have been worth it. But I have more to give. Together with Lemming and Samuel and the other Lions ritualists, we're going to make a few changes around here. We're going to make sure there always is a choice.