They say your life flashes before your eyes on the moment of your death. Imagine my surprise as I watched all of the events that led me to where I stood before the Deathknight and found not the sweet release I cried for, but something entirely different, wholly unimaginable, and utterly incomprehendible. There was no breath on my face as he drew closer to claim me - for he did not breathe, but the rotting stench of the grave came from his lips and it lingered stronger now than when I first met with him. I was beginning to regret the choice I made, the price I would pay to protect my baby brother as I promised Mother I would. I had such dreams of falling in a kind of love so intense that on the night of my wedding not a thing would exist but he and I and he would sweep me into his arms and into a better life. I saved myself for what I always hoped would be that singular most defining moment of my life. Be careful what you wish for. Here I stood, terrified of the thing I had wed, praying that his kiss would truly bring me death, and knowing that my fate would be far worse. Father called them the Living Dead. Those who dwelled in the Shadowland though they yet lived. They were a pale and sickly grey and completely His. As I would be too.
It was when his chilled ashen hands moved the bridal dress from my trembling shoulders that it happened. My life went by so fast and exploded in my head. I don't remember much of the detail. I had resigned myself to my life (or at least any quality of my life) being over and suddenly it had just begun. The pain sliced through my head - but it was so fast that by the time I felt it, it was gone. What remained was all the more terrifying. A voice spoke to me and though it was no one I recognised, I knew it was not one I would ever disobey. I thought it was the Deathknight but when I looked at him... he was backing away from me and he was in pain. His hands were burning from where he had touched me and it looked to be spreading. He uttered one word before the shock left him. 'Eclipse'. It was only the voice telling me to leave that made me move from the spot. That was when my husband recovered. While he was reluctant to touch me again, he barred my way. The voice spoke to me again and suddenly its urgency was mine. I didn't know what I was doing - only what it took to get out of there, not to be held any longer by this... Abyssal. The word just came and with it... I saw him howl in an inhuman pain and fall at my feet and I ran. I never looked behind me, the denizens of the Abyssal's realm were too stunned to try stop me. I ran. I fled the Shadowlands, I never even stopped at my home. I ran. Days and nights, longer than could be humanly possible, away from villages and towns where the mark on my head might be recognised. I ran for my life. And all the time the voice spoke fanciful tales to me - ridiculous to think about but I never once doubted them to be true. I didn't have a bad life. It was most certainly not simple or what some might call normal, and there were difficulties for our family to get through, but on the whole I was content with it. All I wanted for (or so I then thought) was the one great love of my life to dance his way to my heart and sweep me off my feet. That he still hadn't found me was only a minor inconvenience. I was young, I had time, and I had family and friends that never let me feel unloved for even a moment. We moved to Ablacus maybe ten years before it happened. A Shadowland had begun to form nearby and Father was sent to investigate it. With most of the village eager to get away from there, we had no difficulty finding a nice home for the four of us for very little expense. Mother was so thrilled by the move at first. Things had been tight before - though at ten years of age I hardly noticed. My baby brother, Caideus, would have been seven. He was the first of us to encounter anything strange. He went out playing one day and was joined by a boy his own age. It was hours before Mother went to call him in for dinner. Caid noticed the boy was a bit slow at running, but not that he didn't breathe. It never crossed his mind that there was anything wrong with his new friend until Mother started screaming. After that we weren't allowed out alone. I used to beg Father to let me come with him when he occasionally visited the Shadowland, but he never once brought me there. I had to be content with the stories he told me on his return. As the years went by, the edges of the Shadowland stretched closer towards us. More people drifted from the village towards it and 'lived' in the land of the dead under the sway of what Father called a Deathknight. Sometimes the dead strayed too - like that little boy. I've spoken with them once or twice, those who cannot accept the cruelty of the fate that left them dead. Caid and I grew up with it, we adapted. Father was fascinated by his studies of it. It was our Mother that suffered most. Seeing the grey Living Dead, or the breathless Dead Walking used to make her clutch at her heart as if she need convince it to continue beating. I'm uncomfortable talking about it, but it drove her to despair and when Father would not leave Ablacus, it drove her to madness. On her last night with us she made me promise to take care of my brother and father. I was sixteen. She fled and I never understood why she never so much as tried to take my brother and I with her. I would have gone if she would have let me help her. I suppose it was evident she wasn't thinking straight. I can only hope she's better now. I tried not to blame my father. He was under a commission and Father was not a man to break a contract. He said if a person didn't have their word, they had nothing. He needed me to understand and so I did. My brother was a different matter. As Caideus grew from a boy to a man, the tension between them also grew. It wasn't all about Mother, there were other issues between them - and perhaps some more they wouldn't even speak to me about. Caid was... unruly. He took to staying out all night, he drank more than he should to anger Father, he played at cards with money he didn't have. I did everything I could to keep the peace between them. Father used to call me his peacekeeper. I liked that. Both of them would have done anything for me - as I would for them. I had friends too. Bea attended lessons with me (Father was very adamant about our education) and was my girlhood friend until her dreams came true. A young man came to study with my father. He fell in love with her instantly and took her away to the Threshold to be his wife. I had a letter from her telling me of her newborn son shortly before it all happened. Then there was Eian. He was a fine swordsman and could have left Ablacus and gone to his fortune anytime he wanted, but he never did. I hope that wasn't entirely my fault. He was fond of me. Very much so. I don't think he ever knew I knew that. And I loved him too, just not the way he wanted. He was my best friend and I never had the chance to say goodbye. I couldn't tell him I was going to the Underworld to be the Deathknight's living bride - he would have come after me and he would have died. I certainly couldn't tell him what I have now become. It was only a matter of time before Caid got into trouble. He was seventeen and so angry with the world. Part of me hoped he would run away on an adventure of some sort. I would have missed him terribly but I think it would have done him good. Perhaps he felt he couldn't leave us as Mother did. His drinking and his gambling only got worse. I don't know if he didn't know who it was he was dealing with that night or if he just didn't care. He came home in such a state as I'd never seen before. We saw a lot of things where we grew up - we were difficult to scare, but he was terrified beyond reason. So terrified he was stone cold sober. It had started as a simple card game and he was actually winning. When I finally got him to talk about it he said he never really noticed the others leaving the table, it just ended up with him and the stranger. The stakes were more money than he ever had in his life. When he lost, there was no way for him to pay up and that was when he realised just how serious a situation he was in. The Deathknight gave him a way to pay his debt. His ghost could be his bound servant. My brother begged and pleaded but all the Deathknight would grant him was one day to put his affairs in order. I had a passion - and many said a talent, for music. They loved to listen to me play in the village - they said I had a way of making them forget the oddities around them and be joyful to be alive. Father said that was but one reason why they often came to speak to me. I had a peaceful heart and through my music I touched them with it. I expect he was somewhat biased. There was no question of me helping my brother. I agreed with the barkeep that I would play that night while my brother waited for his destiny. I thought it might mellow the Deathknight - show him the peace he obviously craved, and perhaps find some way to pay the debt other than by my brother's life. I was a fool. If I wanted him to crave the peace in my heart, I succeeded only too well. It must be clear now the deal I had to make. Convincing my brother to accept it and not to tell Father or Eian the truth was hardest of all. The only way for him to live was for me to live in the Underworld with the Deathknight. He took me with him that same night. Our wedding was... unusual to say the least. He had a fondness for ceremony and ritual I suppose. He wanted me in white, wanted me blushing - wanted all his subjects to see the living breathing girl by his side. It didn't matter that I was revolted by his touch. If I tried to run he made it clear my brother and father would not survive the night. I was surely trapped. So when he told me to play my fiddle for his servants, I obliged. Anything that could delay the inevitable. It's not unnatural for a bride to be nervous on her wedding night but when my Lord's kiss turned my stomach into knots, I was terrified indeed of what the consummation of our marriage would entail. That I never found out is the greatest blessing the Unconquered Sun could bestow upon me. That is what keeps me going. When the hunters draw too close for comfort, or I worry for my family, or my loneliness threatens to engulf me - that singular truth stays with me. My old life is gone and I can never have it back, but it was already lost to me. This life I now have is far from easy, but I have one again and I plan to use it.